My baby is a Toddler!

OK - My son is driving me nuts and its been a crazy month. He stopped eating about 3 weeks ago and only wanted milk. We didnt know what was going on until we noticed that he had 4 teeth coming out on top and 4 on the bottom, my poor baby! But he is a trooper. 
Then he got sick and of course he didnt want anything to do with food. He would pick at some of his favorites and maybe eat but he really had this love hate realtionship with food.
Well after calling the doctors office like 80 times in 3 weeks I finally got them to give me an appointment and see my son. My main concern had been that he was not eating but he was also constipated and they didnt seem to see it as an urgent matter.
So we are at the doctors and they needed to check him from behind - NOT IDEAL! He was clogged so badly that the doctor got mad that I had not been able to get an appointment sooner. So he gave us some stole softner and 2 days later he is pooping and eating. BUT he only wants to eat dino nuggets, scrambled eggs,veggie fires, graham crackers, cheetos and french fries!
OMG he is a nut the french fries we realized last Saturday after the dr. apt we picked up some food and there were fries and thats what he wanted. Then we went to Ralphs grocery shopping and he screamed till we gave him the cheetos -I kid you not he will drive me to loose my mind. Should I just let him and try to introduce some other foods as we go? He used to eat carrots, brocoli, sweet potatoe and rice, pasta I mean he didnt see a food he didnt like. But after three weeks of being sick, getting 8 or more new teeth and being full of crap I dont know what to do.
But aside from not wanting to eat fruits and veggies and not wanting to really eat anything then what he deemd a suitable food pyramid I realized that I am the mom and I need to stand my ground. I dont think I should punish him but I do believe that I need to set boundaries and get him to know that I am the boss and I am going to rule this kingdom regardless.
So not how do I go about this with out fighting on a daily basis and with out losing my mind and cooking all day?

I am not a bad mom but why do I feel like a bad mommy?

Lately I have had time to think about what I do and how well or how bad  I do it. I have been a stay at home mommy and my husband works 4 ten hour days so I am here till 530 all by myself and at times I want to run and hide.
Is that wrong? I mean as much as I love my son I want to hide sometimes and just come out in a couple of years. Is this normal? I would think that maybe yes and maybe no. I was so used to working for so many years and have the freedom to get up and go where ever I wanted when I wanted. Now things have changed drastically, I mean I cant just pick up and go when I please and if I need to rush off somewhere I still have to plan for the rush.
I find myself though at times wishing I had more time in the day for me and that I can spend more time just relaxing. I pray that nap time will be more like 3 hours instead of 1 and I know its wrong but I get excited at bed time.
Sure I am not gonna win mother of the year nor worst mother of the year. But I know that I am not alone. I know that there are other stay at home moms and dads out there that feel like I do and pray that God will make nap time last longer. But why should I be ashamed of being a stay at home mom who needs to sleep an extra day just to feel like her self?
So in order to compromise being a stay at home mom and wanting something for myself I have decided to go back to school. Now this may seem wrong to many but I think that I am on the right path to making ME the priority. What am I gonna study? Well believe it or not I am going to go get my credential to be a teacher. I am gonna first go and study child development so that I can work in a day care/preschool but its something that I have been wanting to do for awhile and just put it off because i felt it was not ok to leave my son.
So inspite of thinking I am a bad mom I think that my son will proud that his mommy did something for herself and this will help me be a better mom and wife. I think that in the long run I will be glad I did this because I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and I have faith that God is the one who will guide me and give me the extra time in the day to get things done.

And So it begins!

So who knew that dieting actually takes work? Apparently not me  - so turns out that I need to loose weight and so its gonna take some hard work and time. But I am determined to do this and so today I enrolled in Weight Watchers. I am determined to do this and make it work - so what better way to make it work then by blogging about it and letting the world wide web about my journey.

So I decided that I have to buy the foods and try it that way first to make sure that I can actually stay with in my points and that I am still getting in some veggies. I have to write down everything and I must keep a journal! I think that writing about my day and how I felt that day and at the end of the day will help me see what is triggering me to eat certain things and at certain times.

I WILL be going for a walk on a daily basis even if its just for a small walk but I have to keep active and try to not make it or keep it boring. My son loves being outside and I want to make sure that I keep him in mind when I wake up. He is one of the reason I am doing this - I need to loose weight for him and for me. I dont want to be one of those mothers that cant play with their kids because they are to big to even move.

So with Gods grace and my husband and son by my side I will make this work! Best of luck to me!

Just an update!

OMG My little one has kept so busy these last couple of months. He is now walking and running around like he owns the place, he loves to throw things away in the trash and on top of that he loves to climb things including me!! 

But I am having a blast being a mom and being able to be here with him everyday! Its life changing this motherhood thing but its one that I have embrassed and have enjoyed for almost a year now!

I cant believe that in 20 days my little guy will be 1 year old!!!! I KNOW RIGHT! Its like these past 12months have flown by and on top of that I am freaking out at the thought of having to possibly go back to work soon. 

I have been blessed to be able to be at home with my guy and during the pregnancy. But sometimes life just takes a turn and we have to adjust. I am praying to God that he will help me make the right decision and that I will be able to stay at home longer. Maybe even work from home - but Its up to God and his plan for me in my life. 

Well I must say that my little guy has been one of the toughest jobs in the world and I never thought that I would survive. He challenges me everyday to be a better person and to look at things with a whole new perspective. I mean for so many years I took advantage of the opportunites that were given to me - but now with my LO I know that somethings are going to be put on hold and others I can do with him. But more then anything I have to live a life that my son would be proud of and he will see that all the decisions I have and will make are for him. 

I live my days for him and know that he is one of Gods blessings upon me and that no matter what he will be the reason that I choose to do anything from here on. From the cloths that I wear to the food that I make - it all goes back to him, my little one. I think that motherhood has really tought me that no matter what happens in life we need to make the best of what we have. Our lives have changed financially and socially and to be honest I think that some of the changes are a welcome breath for fresh air. 

My little one has really changed me and I think that I am going to enjoy the changes that are to come from here on. But for now its time to plan a 1st birthday party for the little guy and hope that all goes well. I am so looking forward to this and hope that he has a good time! Wish me luck!

I almost died!

Last week I almost threw in the towel - It was a week full of ups and downs emotionally for me and on top of that my son was teething and not having a good time. I felt like I had the worst job in the world and I keep saying "what did I get myself into?" I would pray for help and ask God to help me understand the importance of this job because I was beginning to lose my cool.
So now it was Saturday and I wanted to get myself together so I went and joined weight watchers, enjoyed the morning alone and then came home to have breakfast with my two guys. The day was looking good and I was glad that the week was slowly leaving its icky feeling behind me.
I hated feeling like a bad mom and as though I was doing a bad job. I hate not being able to play with my son because I am feeling out of it and losing my patience. But it could only get better from here.
We spent a lovely Sunday at church and then a family BBQ where my son had fun playing and exploring his surroundings. He was like a kid in a candy store. He was free to roam about and feel the floor, grass and pavement underneath his hands and knees.
Well its a new week and things were looking better - I kept to my diet and monitored everything that I ate and made sure I was good. My son and I went for a walk and then later in the day we went to the park to play in the sand.
Awe yes sand, its new feeling for him and he is not sure if he likes it or not, but the look in his face, that look of confusion and doubt, slowly went away as he wiggled his toes in the sand and ran his fingers as though he was playing with noodles or worms.
And then - the moment we have all been waiting for! No he didn't say mama, he still feels my name is mapapa. But that's OK I know he will soon get it. As we finished our serving of kiwi and played in the living room, my son decided to stand up and walk around the edge of the toy box. He slowly cheeped around until he got to be face to face with the couch.
With a look of sheer determination and a bit of confusion, he took his first steps! I was so excited that I grabed him and hugged him so hard he just laughed - it was as if he was like "what? arent I supposed to do this?" Oh what a proud moment it was but to be honest I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I had to walk away and cry a little.
The idea that my little guy is walking! Even though some say that its not something I should be excited about, because now its more work. But to me its excitement and joy that I was able to be here for that. I know he is still a little guy, but there are so many more firsts to come and then there are those that I know I wont be able to share when I go back to work. But for now I will take any first that comes to me.

9 Months of Crazy!

So my little guy is 9 months now and is as active as the day is bright. My gosh he seems to not stop not even to take a nap. People told me that this would be the hardest job I would ever love - well they were right. I love being a mom and a wife and more then anything the idea of making two people as happy as can be just by being there for them is amazing.
I have been blessed to be able to stay home with the little guy and to help guide and nuture him as he learns to walk, crawl, talk, eat different foods etc. But I think that sometimes we forget, as moms, that we need mommy time. Time to think, read a book, drink a hot cup of coffee and even just watch some TV for an hour or so. This may come off as being selfish but sometimes I just want my son to sleep for longer then an hour so that I can read my book or just sleep. Sometimes at night when my husband comes home I want to just leave them home and go off on my own for a couple of hours. Is this wrong? I mean my husband works 10 hours a day and its not an easy job. But neither is mine - I mean I am not playing all day and I am not able to just take a break when I want.
But sometimes when I am thinking about this and feeling like this I feel like I am being a bad mom or wife. I know that many women go through this but I am not many women I am me. I think that sometimes I need to be more thankful - But where do we draw the line of being selfish and selfless?
But I know that no matter how I am feeling and no matter what the situation - I love my job and my life. I love my husband and son more then anything and I don't think I would give this up for anything in the world.

My little Inspiration

My little guy has grown up so much in the past couple of weeks. He has a tooth coming out and it looks like he has one more right next to it. Then when I take him to the park and place him on the swing he gets so excited and laughs up a storm. The cutest part is when he sees the swing as we are pulling up – he gets excited and starts to try and get out of the car! I swear if I didn’t tie him in I think he would jump out and run over to the swing. Sad thing is he can’t walk or run so he still needs me.

Which brings me to something that jumped into my head this morning as I was listening to him in his crib at 6am playing. There is this innocence about him about every baby. They are so helpless and sweet – they want to be independent and crawl all over the place. But then they realize that they need us. They need us to get from one place to another, to eat, bathe and in some cases to sleep.

I began to think of all the helpless little babies who are left alone, who are hurt because their parents are drunk or on drugs. I began to think of all the little babies who have no one and are scared about what may happen to them – those babies of homeless people, babies of parents in foreign countries where war and hatred are top on the list.

Ok yes I know it was only 6am and what was I doing thinking about all of this. Well honestly its something that has been on my mind for some time. I don’t know that I can do anything other then pray for these little babies and children.

I know that God has everything under control. I know that he will never leave a child alone and He cares for them more then anything. Just as I love and care for my son. This past 7 months or 32 weeks I have found myself going from a working girl who had put work and school first for so long to a stay at home mom who has put her son and husband first. I find myself not caring about weather or not I go dancing or shopping, those new shoes, new dress and designer hair cut are not something I find myself wanting. I find joy in buying my son shoes, toys, clothes and sometimes more toys.

So what am I getting at? We are all put on this earth for a reason, we are given a task and plan to follow and at times though it may be hard to follow – kind of like our little angles when they start to walk – we learn. I have learned to walk again. I have learned to discover new ideas and thoughts so that I can keep my little dude entertained. Because I know some of you know how hard it can be to keep a 7 month old happy when all he wants is to put things in his mouth and crawl towards the television. Its not easy but every morning I wake up ready to take on the challenge. I wake up excited to see him and play with him. Excited to teach him how to grab a puff, keep his socks on and hold a cup.

In the last 32 weeks I have been more inspired then when I was in school or when I was working. Even though I look forward to going back to work one day. I find that this opportunity is just that, an opportunity to explore a new world with my son. If only more people would feel that way. If only more people would see how amazing of a gift we have when we give birth and are given this amazing gift, this amazing challenge. Because when we sit down and look at the big picture – our children are just that an amazing gift that challenges us to be more then we are. An amazing gift that challenges us to see our selves as more then others see us and to be inspirations to our kids just as they have inspired us.

God inspired me for so many years and now my son and God are inspiring me to be a better person. 

The Art of Ferberizing

Oh the dreaded ferberizing has arrived at our home - It has been 4 days and we almost have it - but the boss seems to get more upset as we go along. 

I know that this is important and I know that he will benefit from this as he gets older - But what do I get out of it - heart ache and the feeling that I am some how hurting my son. Will this feeling go away? Will he forgive me? Will these next couple of days be imprinted in his mind - Mommy didnt want to pick me up - I cried and she just ignored me. But truth is I know he will forget it, I know he does forget it - Because every morning he wakes up with the biggest smile and he is so happy to see me, so I know that he has forgotten the night before. 

So how long is it gonna take for  my son to get the hang of this? How long will I have to suffer along with my son ans he begins to learn to soothe himself to sleep? I hope that it wont be to long cause I sure cant take this for two long.

I think that this process teaches my son that no matter what the situation - he can get through anything. Sometimes its hard to understand how life works - we are taught that no matter what everything is gonna be fine, that no matter how hard the situation we can get through it because there is always gonna be someone to be there for us to reassure that things are gonna work out. 

I know that my mother is there for me, my father is there for me and now my husband. Now is this something that I have learned because I was ferberized? Who knows but I do know that I turned out ok and I am sure my son will to.