Lately I have had time to think about what I do and how well or how bad I do it. I have been a stay at home mommy and my husband works 4 ten hour days so I am here till 530 all by myself and at times I want to run and hide.
Is that wrong? I mean as much as I love my son I want to hide sometimes and just come out in a couple of years. Is this normal? I would think that maybe yes and maybe no. I was so used to working for so many years and have the freedom to get up and go where ever I wanted when I wanted. Now things have changed drastically, I mean I cant just pick up and go when I please and if I need to rush off somewhere I still have to plan for the rush.
I find myself though at times wishing I had more time in the day for me and that I can spend more time just relaxing. I pray that nap time will be more like 3 hours instead of 1 and I know its wrong but I get excited at bed time.
Sure I am not gonna win mother of the year nor worst mother of the year. But I know that I am not alone. I know that there are other stay at home moms and dads out there that feel like I do and pray that God will make nap time last longer. But why should I be ashamed of being a stay at home mom who needs to sleep an extra day just to feel like her self?
So in order to compromise being a stay at home mom and wanting something for myself I have decided to go back to school. Now this may seem wrong to many but I think that I am on the right path to making ME the priority. What am I gonna study? Well believe it or not I am going to go get my credential to be a teacher. I am gonna first go and study child development so that I can work in a day care/preschool but its something that I have been wanting to do for awhile and just put it off because i felt it was not ok to leave my son.
So inspite of thinking I am a bad mom I think that my son will proud that his mommy did something for herself and this will help me be a better mom and wife. I think that in the long run I will be glad I did this because I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and I have faith that God is the one who will guide me and give me the extra time in the day to get things done.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
And So it begins!
So who knew that dieting actually takes work? Apparently not me - so turns out that I need to loose weight and so its gonna take some hard work and time. But I am determined to do this and so today I enrolled in Weight Watchers. I am determined to do this and make it work - so what better way to make it work then by blogging about it and letting the world wide web about my journey.
So I decided that I have to buy the foods and try it that way first to make sure that I can actually stay with in my points and that I am still getting in some veggies. I have to write down everything and I must keep a journal! I think that writing about my day and how I felt that day and at the end of the day will help me see what is triggering me to eat certain things and at certain times.
I WILL be going for a walk on a daily basis even if its just for a small walk but I have to keep active and try to not make it or keep it boring. My son loves being outside and I want to make sure that I keep him in mind when I wake up. He is one of the reason I am doing this - I need to loose weight for him and for me. I dont want to be one of those mothers that cant play with their kids because they are to big to even move.
So with Gods grace and my husband and son by my side I will make this work! Best of luck to me!
So I decided that I have to buy the foods and try it that way first to make sure that I can actually stay with in my points and that I am still getting in some veggies. I have to write down everything and I must keep a journal! I think that writing about my day and how I felt that day and at the end of the day will help me see what is triggering me to eat certain things and at certain times.
I WILL be going for a walk on a daily basis even if its just for a small walk but I have to keep active and try to not make it or keep it boring. My son loves being outside and I want to make sure that I keep him in mind when I wake up. He is one of the reason I am doing this - I need to loose weight for him and for me. I dont want to be one of those mothers that cant play with their kids because they are to big to even move.
So with Gods grace and my husband and son by my side I will make this work! Best of luck to me!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Just an update!
OMG My little one has kept so busy these last couple of months. He is now walking and running around like he owns the place, he loves to throw things away in the trash and on top of that he loves to climb things including me!!
But I am having a blast being a mom and being able to be here with him everyday! Its life changing this motherhood thing but its one that I have embrassed and have enjoyed for almost a year now!
I cant believe that in 20 days my little guy will be 1 year old!!!! I KNOW RIGHT! Its like these past 12months have flown by and on top of that I am freaking out at the thought of having to possibly go back to work soon.
I have been blessed to be able to be at home with my guy and during the pregnancy. But sometimes life just takes a turn and we have to adjust. I am praying to God that he will help me make the right decision and that I will be able to stay at home longer. Maybe even work from home - but Its up to God and his plan for me in my life.
Well I must say that my little guy has been one of the toughest jobs in the world and I never thought that I would survive. He challenges me everyday to be a better person and to look at things with a whole new perspective. I mean for so many years I took advantage of the opportunites that were given to me - but now with my LO I know that somethings are going to be put on hold and others I can do with him. But more then anything I have to live a life that my son would be proud of and he will see that all the decisions I have and will make are for him.
I live my days for him and know that he is one of Gods blessings upon me and that no matter what he will be the reason that I choose to do anything from here on. From the cloths that I wear to the food that I make - it all goes back to him, my little one. I think that motherhood has really tought me that no matter what happens in life we need to make the best of what we have. Our lives have changed financially and socially and to be honest I think that some of the changes are a welcome breath for fresh air.
My little one has really changed me and I think that I am going to enjoy the changes that are to come from here on. But for now its time to plan a 1st birthday party for the little guy and hope that all goes well. I am so looking forward to this and hope that he has a good time! Wish me luck!
Monday, May 9, 2011
I almost died!
Last week I almost threw in the towel - It was a week full of ups and downs emotionally for me and on top of that my son was teething and not having a good time. I felt like I had the worst job in the world and I keep saying "what did I get myself into?" I would pray for help and ask God to help me understand the importance of this job because I was beginning to lose my cool.
So now it was Saturday and I wanted to get myself together so I went and joined weight watchers, enjoyed the morning alone and then came home to have breakfast with my two guys. The day was looking good and I was glad that the week was slowly leaving its icky feeling behind me.
I hated feeling like a bad mom and as though I was doing a bad job. I hate not being able to play with my son because I am feeling out of it and losing my patience. But it could only get better from here.
We spent a lovely Sunday at church and then a family BBQ where my son had fun playing and exploring his surroundings. He was like a kid in a candy store. He was free to roam about and feel the floor, grass and pavement underneath his hands and knees.
Well its a new week and things were looking better - I kept to my diet and monitored everything that I ate and made sure I was good. My son and I went for a walk and then later in the day we went to the park to play in the sand.
Awe yes sand, its new feeling for him and he is not sure if he likes it or not, but the look in his face, that look of confusion and doubt, slowly went away as he wiggled his toes in the sand and ran his fingers as though he was playing with noodles or worms.
And then - the moment we have all been waiting for! No he didn't say mama, he still feels my name is mapapa. But that's OK I know he will soon get it. As we finished our serving of kiwi and played in the living room, my son decided to stand up and walk around the edge of the toy box. He slowly cheeped around until he got to be face to face with the couch.
With a look of sheer determination and a bit of confusion, he took his first steps! I was so excited that I grabed him and hugged him so hard he just laughed - it was as if he was like "what? arent I supposed to do this?" Oh what a proud moment it was but to be honest I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I had to walk away and cry a little.
The idea that my little guy is walking! Even though some say that its not something I should be excited about, because now its more work. But to me its excitement and joy that I was able to be here for that. I know he is still a little guy, but there are so many more firsts to come and then there are those that I know I wont be able to share when I go back to work. But for now I will take any first that comes to me.
So now it was Saturday and I wanted to get myself together so I went and joined weight watchers, enjoyed the morning alone and then came home to have breakfast with my two guys. The day was looking good and I was glad that the week was slowly leaving its icky feeling behind me.
I hated feeling like a bad mom and as though I was doing a bad job. I hate not being able to play with my son because I am feeling out of it and losing my patience. But it could only get better from here.
We spent a lovely Sunday at church and then a family BBQ where my son had fun playing and exploring his surroundings. He was like a kid in a candy store. He was free to roam about and feel the floor, grass and pavement underneath his hands and knees.
Well its a new week and things were looking better - I kept to my diet and monitored everything that I ate and made sure I was good. My son and I went for a walk and then later in the day we went to the park to play in the sand.
Awe yes sand, its new feeling for him and he is not sure if he likes it or not, but the look in his face, that look of confusion and doubt, slowly went away as he wiggled his toes in the sand and ran his fingers as though he was playing with noodles or worms.
And then - the moment we have all been waiting for! No he didn't say mama, he still feels my name is mapapa. But that's OK I know he will soon get it. As we finished our serving of kiwi and played in the living room, my son decided to stand up and walk around the edge of the toy box. He slowly cheeped around until he got to be face to face with the couch.
With a look of sheer determination and a bit of confusion, he took his first steps! I was so excited that I grabed him and hugged him so hard he just laughed - it was as if he was like "what? arent I supposed to do this?" Oh what a proud moment it was but to be honest I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I had to walk away and cry a little.
The idea that my little guy is walking! Even though some say that its not something I should be excited about, because now its more work. But to me its excitement and joy that I was able to be here for that. I know he is still a little guy, but there are so many more firsts to come and then there are those that I know I wont be able to share when I go back to work. But for now I will take any first that comes to me.
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